A portent of greatness
Marriage the world over, is one of the most important events that happens in the lifetime of an individual. However, in the subcontinent, it is a different thing all together. What with complicated customs, designed seemingly for the sole purpose of torturing the very souls of the participants, it becomes a free for all for the entire community, right from the choice of the partners, down to the very consummation. For someone who has not been to an Indian marriage, or Pakistani marriage for that matter, cannot really imagine all that it entails. Shazaf Fatima Haider does a delightful job of distilling the essence of all the neurotic activity that goes behind a Pakistani marriage in her maiden novel How it happened.
She tells the tale of the Bandiyan clan, a Shia Syedd family descended from the village of Bhakuraj in the undivided India, represented by the 15 year old narrator Saleha Bandiyan, her elder siblings Haroon and Zeba, her parents and her grandmother, the self-styled matriarch of the family. Gulbahar Dadi, the said matriarch, has very set ideas on how things are supposed to be done, “the Bhakuraj way”. Her most staunch ideas are on one is aught to get married.
For her, there is only one way to get married – the parents of the bride and groom meet, decide whether the families are compatible and then set the ball moving on the marriage. The people getting married seldom meet, if at all before they have tied the knot. By her own admission, she is quite “mordren” and some concessions, like letting the two meet before the marriage, are permissible. But blasphemy like “dating-shating” is absolutely and completely not done.
When she tries to get her grandson married, she even has a checklist for the eligible girl. Apart from the general points like she has to be a Syedda and chaste, there are a few rather interesting riders like she has to be “fully female”, a “full virgin” (“Girls who had been kissed or have had boyfriends are only half or quarter virgins”) and not “The Lesbian”. For her, both her grandchildren are God’s gift to humanity and whoever turns out to be their spouse would be blessed to be so.
The novel goes on to tell the story of how both her elder grandchildren manage to subvert her authority and marry people of their own choice. While one does it in a subtle and delicate fashion, the other does so with all the finesse of a runaway train. But on both occasions, the matriarch ultimately accepts the marriage, and forces her way of doing thing on every body.
As a piece of literature, this is an important book as it heralds the arrival of a novelist of prodigious skill. Haider’s prose is sparkling and easy to read. Told in the voice of a precocious, slightly bratty teenager, it is witty and thoroughly enjoyable.
The characters who people the tale are all well fleshed out and believable, Haroon and the modern yet obedient son and Zeba as the rebellious, caustic and tough-as-nails-but-capable-of great -tenderness daughter. But the obvious centrepiece is Dadi and she steals the show all the way.
Many, especially those from the West, might feel the portrayal is exaggerated, to the point of being a caricature. They would be dead wrong. Gulbahar Bibi is a classic example of the ubiquitous grandmother or ageing aunt without whom no family of the sub-continent is complete. She is of stout health yet possesses the unique ability to faint at the drop of a hat. She is not rigid and does not insist on having her own way, as long as you do exactly what she wants, and how she wants it. She is loving and caring to fault, but cross her at your own peril.
Marriage the world over, is one of the most important events that happens in the lifetime of an individual. However, in the subcontinent, it is a different thing all together. What with complicated customs, designed seemingly for the sole purpose of torturing the very souls of the participants, it becomes a free for all for the entire community, right from the choice of the partners, down to the very consummation. For someone who has not been to an Indian marriage, or Pakistani marriage for that matter, cannot really imagine all that it entails. Shazaf Fatima Haider does a delightful job of distilling the essence of all the neurotic activity that goes behind a Pakistani marriage in her maiden novel How it happened.
She tells the tale of the Bandiyan clan, a Shia Syedd family descended from the village of Bhakuraj in the undivided India, represented by the 15 year old narrator Saleha Bandiyan, her elder siblings Haroon and Zeba, her parents and her grandmother, the self-styled matriarch of the family. Gulbahar Dadi, the said matriarch, has very set ideas on how things are supposed to be done, “the Bhakuraj way”. Her most staunch ideas are on one is aught to get married.
For her, there is only one way to get married – the parents of the bride and groom meet, decide whether the families are compatible and then set the ball moving on the marriage. The people getting married seldom meet, if at all before they have tied the knot. By her own admission, she is quite “mordren” and some concessions, like letting the two meet before the marriage, are permissible. But blasphemy like “dating-shating” is absolutely and completely not done.
When she tries to get her grandson married, she even has a checklist for the eligible girl. Apart from the general points like she has to be a Syedda and chaste, there are a few rather interesting riders like she has to be “fully female”, a “full virgin” (“Girls who had been kissed or have had boyfriends are only half or quarter virgins”) and not “The Lesbian”. For her, both her grandchildren are God’s gift to humanity and whoever turns out to be their spouse would be blessed to be so.
The novel goes on to tell the story of how both her elder grandchildren manage to subvert her authority and marry people of their own choice. While one does it in a subtle and delicate fashion, the other does so with all the finesse of a runaway train. But on both occasions, the matriarch ultimately accepts the marriage, and forces her way of doing thing on every body.
As a piece of literature, this is an important book as it heralds the arrival of a novelist of prodigious skill. Haider’s prose is sparkling and easy to read. Told in the voice of a precocious, slightly bratty teenager, it is witty and thoroughly enjoyable.
The characters who people the tale are all well fleshed out and believable, Haroon and the modern yet obedient son and Zeba as the rebellious, caustic and tough-as-nails-but-capable-of great -tenderness daughter. But the obvious centrepiece is Dadi and she steals the show all the way.
Many, especially those from the West, might feel the portrayal is exaggerated, to the point of being a caricature. They would be dead wrong. Gulbahar Bibi is a classic example of the ubiquitous grandmother or ageing aunt without whom no family of the sub-continent is complete. She is of stout health yet possesses the unique ability to faint at the drop of a hat. She is not rigid and does not insist on having her own way, as long as you do exactly what she wants, and how she wants it. She is loving and caring to fault, but cross her at your own peril.
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